Someone else said, “I will follow you, sir; but first let me go and say goodbye to my family.” 62 Jesus said to him, “Anyone who starts to plough and then keeps looking back is of no use to the Kingdom of God.” Luke 9:61–62 (GNB)

A saint is not someone who never sins, but one who sins less and less frequently and gets up more and more quickly.   St. Bernard of Clairvaux

I can identify with this passage because it is something I have done — looking back while plowing.  I once farmed in Illinois.  I was young (twenty-one) and knew very little about farming.   I had never plowed before and the first year I had to start out in the middle of a field and try to plow straight.  The way you laid out the land (sorry city-slickers) will be the way the whole land would be.  In other words, if you started crooked, you ended up crooked.  Too bad I had not heard this illustration from Jesus as following Him and not looking back, because I was obsessed with looking back at the plow rather than keeping my eyes straight ahead down the field.  There was a lot of traffic by that field in the days ahead as the neighbors talked about my “snake plowing” and each drove by the field to get a good laugh.

“I will follow you Lord, but . . . .”  Just a simple conjunction.  But.   Yet it separates anxiety and peace, strife and rest, exile and home.   But.

I want to, but . . . .  I started to do that, but . . . .  I intended to do it, but . . . .  I know I need to quit, but . . . . Some might consider this procrastination.  It is not.  It is self-deception.  What we do is the indication of our heart, our core will and soul.  “But” means that I may believe that a spoken intention is the same as the action.   It isn’t.

Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem to die, but the would-be followers did not know that.  They probably thought he was going there to proclaim the Day of the Lord, the great reckoning of God’s justice on the wicked kingdoms of the world.  It didn’t much matter where he was going, they were not going there, but they wanted to convince themselves that they did, so “but”. . . .

As we walk with Jesus, trying out his sandals for a good fit, we find they never will fit, for His ways are higher and His thoughts are higher than ours.  (Isaiah 55:9)  That does not stop us from following.  We follow because He is God and we are not.  His will is what is “good, acceptable, and perfect (complete).”  (Romans 12:2)  This is the gospel reality, that we are not sufficient and fully capable, but Jesus is, and when we live “in Christ” we receive the benefits of His perfection.  We are learning how to do that, to surrender our time, and our power, and our intentions to Him as we hear these challenging yet inviting words.  Our focus is on His footsteps.  How does He walk to Jerusalem to die for the world?  He watches where he is walking, not what he has left.  We cannot be present with Jesus and be thinking about what we are missing.  It is like phubbing Jesus.   (Phubbing is looking at your phone while in a conversation with someone.)  “I am here, but I want to be somewhere else.”

As we move toward Jerusalem, expect Jesus to confront our double mindedness and to call us to become aware of our other loves and attachments that block us from complete surrender.

Jesus, your call on my life is total for you gave Your all.

 Show me someone or something I am resisting to release today so I can rest in you.